Wymsey's Unique Spa,
Baths & Tea Rooms
|
One tries hard in this life to fulfill one's dreams, especially after
realizing one cannot fulfill anyone else's' without much strain and hair
loss. In the spirit of such self-awareness and because my ship came in,
in the form of some Kruegerrands left as a holiday gratuity in the Bower
by a mysterious benefactor with a slight accent, I present to you the
Wym-Spa, A Full-Service Water-Oriented Relaxation Facility, with Tea
Annex and Gardens. Please don't call it the "Bower-Shower with Tea and Flowers" as some are wont to do. |
|
At the Wym-Spa all your cares melt away, leaving a slight, clean
fragrance, as if a candy cane were discarded in the bath under a slowly
dripping tap. You have a choice of semi-medicinal baths: Sulphur,
Rosemary, Sea Salt and Bay Rum; there is a fully tiled Cold Plunge to
revive the senses, and a largish pool for exercise swimming or just
floating about watching the grackles choose mates in the wisteria vine
clinging to the leaded-glass sky-lights. At least I think they're
grackles. Could be. There's definitely house sparrows and a starling or
two, and a delicate pink-breasted finchy-looking thing that lays eggs
practically daily like a chicken, broodiest little thing you ever saw.
The interior is Romanesque, meaning mostly Roman, lots of urns, a mosaic
in the ladies' lounge, and this fellow who will scrape your back with
olive oil for two Wyms (and tip). If you see an urn with a woven-cane
top, it's actually a clothes hamper and you can put your damp towel in
it. If the urn is full of sand, it's an ash tray and that means The Butt
Stops Here. The Wym-Spa is a non-smoking facility because Management said
so. I was going to let people smoke organic tobacco and pipes and things
on the south portico after tea, but no, that's not on. So use the ashtray
urns or risk the wrath, etc. The Massage Room is the quietest, nicest
place you can imagine. I had the heating specially jiggered so it's warm
but never stuffy and the incense is changed daily. Rates are daily or weekend packages, and also there are Afternoon Delight coupons for use of the Wym-Spa when you are stressed and just need a couple hours to unwind amongst greenery and pleasant, intelligent staff who seem to innately sense when you just want to lay on a foldy lounge with a big drink after a bout in the sauna, to think about things and maybe doze a bit. |
|
The Tea Annex is a "sumpshus place", to quote an old friend. Away from
the splashes and groans of the Massage Room and Cold Plunge, far away
from political haberdashery and the woes of peoplekind, that's where the
Tea Annex is. Mentally. Physically it's next to the main entrance, in
front of the guest suites, and the Fountain is in the garden just beyond.
You can hear the water splashing at play while you dig into the Endless
Scone Platter(tm) or twist a bemused strand or two of Spa-Spaghetti on
your fork. Take advantage of Two-for-One Tuesdays, one entree free, and
it doesn't have to be the cheaper one! Isn't that amazing? Surf nearly
had a fit when I told him, he swore we'd go under in a week but here it
is a month and we make more on Tuesdays than any other day. It's not like
people order the Lobster Caligula and a bowl of soup to try and get a
great deal. They understand, they have nice manners and a sense of
balance. So please come by, the tea Annex is always open to the public, and you can get into the Wym-Spa for 25% off if you have a meal with us. Jackets are optional, and on Saturdays if you wear a toga you get a free pudding and an aperitif. |
|
The Fountain is the Wym-Spa's artistic link to the World. So much of the
Wym-Spa is private, but anyone driving down Primrose Lane will see
the Fountain, an instant landmark and source of much admiring debate.
It's beautifully eclectic yet uncompromisingly rococo. I got the figgers
made of Corian, this rock-hard plastic that's just as translucent as
Carrera marble and cost the same, but you can clean them with soap
powder! And wax them, too. They just glow when they're waxed. Borrowing
from mythology, I have Nymphs and Satyrs running about playing tag.
There's a little Corian Gnome as well, cleverly worked into the base of
the big urn in the middle. I designed it myself, and although up to now
I've done mostly embroidery and some decorative scones, I have to say it
came out pretty well. There's plenty of room to sit on the edge and cool
your feet, and as long as their mums are nearby, it's a nice place for
small children to play on hot days. Watch out for the Gnome, though -
his hat squirts at random!
I hope you take advantage of the Wym-Spa soon. In the dark, short days of
Winter, and the long, tiring days of Summer, it's so gratifying to have
an entire facility just around the corner where relaxation is guaranteed.
I hope in the frisky days of Spring and the busy days of Autumn you find
time to see us, as well. It's an all-season sort of place really. Free
parking as well. |