Save Our Spectrum Wymsey!
Today the Radio Society of Wymsey (RSW), the Wymsey Amateur Radio Group (WARG), the Short Wave Listeners of Wymsey (SWLW) and members of the Marconi Fan Club of Wymsey (MFCW) united under the umbrella of a new organisation to be known as SOSW!, that is, Save Our Spectrum Wymsey! The English International Short Wave Loggers declined to give support on account of "we don't have experience of this problem here in Bournemouth and one reads such rubbish on the web". As someone nearby said at the time, "Problem? They won't have a blooming hobby if they don't wake up a bit sharpish, like."
A spokesperson for SOSW!, attractive Shandaleer Smith, 27, stated to our reporter and dairy farmer, Charlie Stebbings. "We have had enough and we are revolting, these illegal transmissions down our mains and along our telephone lines have well and truly got up our collective noses and we are fuming. Not since the Battle of the Frames have Wymsey's radio amateurs been so ignited. Have you listened to it?
We have buried our differences and toned down our pedantics in order to fight our common enemy. If Wymsey Cable (WC) think they will succeed in foisting their WCVistas power line units on a gullible Wymsey they are in for a big shock and should think again. Wymsonians are not gullible, if we were then we would still be under the English yoke. We may be surrounded by them but we are not part of them!
However, we have to take the fight to the enemy who we gather are holed up somewhere in England, Martiwylde Labs we think. As I speak a delegation is preparing to travel over the border to do battle in the English courts of law. We are not over confident when it comes to these things but we have right and the law on our side, if only we had a few of those English politicians too. There again, that might remove any sense of correctness about our fight. No worries, we are not dispondent, we are Radio Amateurs and we have back bones as well as antennas!"
Readers may not be aware that Wymsey's radio amateurs have been unhappy since Independence when the ITU refused to acknowledge Wymsey and it's desire for it's own callsign prefix. "We don't like it matey, not one bit." one local amateur told us, "and" he continued, "we are not hams, we are ruddy radio amateurs, always were and always will be."
|Down Our Lane
Used to be I would get out me old Pye Blackbox, stick it in me rucksack along with the trusty accumulator and drag it all up to the top of Wymsey Hill and set up station amongst the sheep and stones of Wymhenge. Bet you did too!
Not any more thanks to that Wymsey Cable and their blooming streaking video on demand - spoilt brats I says, so does me sister in Swanage, her with the bungalow. All I gets now on me shortwaves is one long buzzing farrrrrrrt and I'm not happy, nor you I bet. Bane of me radio life is that WCVistas with their plug 'n play mains transmitters.
Turns out Wymsey Cable was bought by some English outfit without the State Council's knowledge, nor mine, and they could be illegal and for the chop. Les Smith, small holder and ladies man, says send the whole load of turnips back to England and let them sort it. Won't work though not with them sunspots getting up steam we'll soon be picking up the English garbage, them canny little radio waves ain't put off by borders. We 'as to get the blooming EU to ban 'em and soon!
Me hens have stopped laying and is hibernating in the shed, I expect yours are too. The garden look like a lake of slops - we even had a couple of them horrid Canada Geese (arrogant birds they are) wading through the Brussels yesterday. So what better time to get down to some letter writing: I as written to the head of the State Council, to Wymsey Cable, to the nice radio lady at the EU (god bless 'em), the English Ofbog (Office For Bailing Out Gracefully) and our own Wymsey Radio Communications Agency. I urges you all to write to 'em and don't be forgetting the Spectrum Defence Fund.
|The serious bit:|
Regular followers of Wymsey and readers of the Wymsey Chronicle will know that we pride ourselves for being affectionately mocking, for being nicely nasty and have no fear of appearing slightly deranged.
However, this edition of the Chronicle has been devoted to the real threat PLT devices pose to all users of the High Frequency radio bands. Using the domestic mains as a means of transmitting data is both neat and utterly stupid. For more information on this problem please take a look at: The end of short waves?
All articles in this edition were written by me and do not necessarily represent the views or attitudes of any bodies or organisations involved in this and other EMC issues.
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"Not Blooming Likely Matey!"
"Over my dead body, matey, and no mistake. Quite honestly, I am fuming," was the immediate comment of smallholder and Countryman of the Year 2001, Les Smith, when we approached him in the public bar of the Crown & Thorns. "It's always the little man what gets it in the neck, well not this time, me and my Oddspots have had it up to here." he told us. "I may have missed the war against the Kaiser and I may have missed helping the miners in their war against the Thatcher but I'm not going to miss this one!"
"Me Wymsey Oddspots are partial to a bit of exotic foreign music and I has me old dad's Eddystone down in the pig house and I plays 'em music on them short waves. If me pigs can't listen to China Radio International they is gonna be revolting, make no mistake. They loves that twangy music what they plays on them operas about the workers triumphing against the odds. They likes a good No play too.
I don't know much about them mains transmitters what Wymsey Cable is selling but there 'as to be law against them ruining me radio, I reckons there's more to this than meets the eye, matey. You mark my words."
English Regulator Responds:
The English tele an' radio regulator Ofbog (Office For Bailing out Gracefully) this week responded to points put to them in a diplomatic note by the Wymsey Radio Communication Agency (WRCA) on April 1st, 2009 and a very polite reply it was by all accounts.
WRCA spokesperson, petite yet charming Ceaira Nebraska, 26, was at times caustic in the way that she described Ofbog and it's reply as variously "inadequate", "market led", "gloriously inept" and "redolent of a bankrupt banker about to shut up shop". Your reporter was agog as the normally peaceable Ms Nebraska worked herself into a frenzy of wrath and indignation mixed with not a little disbelief as she relayed the Ofbog position on PLT.
Basically Ofbog's position is physically impossible as they attempt to face all directions with a smile. Apparently the makers of the mains transmitters are not actually building transmitters and their units have a self adhesive sticker on them anyway which makes the units compliant. The implication being that if one designs something that transmits but call it a box of cornflakes and have friends in the right places you won't have a problem.
Ofbog also pointed that as only a minute proportion of the English population have complained about these devices can hardly be considered a problem. Besides which, it was reported, they are working closely with the suppliers of these devices and legislators to determine exactly what the implications of the the self adhesive stickers actually are. As for Wymsey, it was made the clear that the price of freedom (from the English yoke) may not be eternal vigilence but a little interference.
Finally, Ofbog pointed out that they are sick and tired of Freedom of Information requests. Apparently they just keep pouring in and this winter they had more FOI requests than they did Christmas cards. For shame!
|Blaah Behind Bandwidth Snatch?
Rumours were rife this week concerning the involvement of ex-Parish Councillor and failed European candidate Julius Blaah. Regular readers will be aware of Blaah's aversion to the State Council, his involvement in Montantrum Bionics and his sucking up to the English government's over-ambitious Sir Mulligan Mangalson. Readers will also recall the Blaah attempt to turn Wymsey into one great blooming runway when the English were resisting more concrete pouring over the home counties.
One rumour currently circulating is that Blaah is a major shareholder in Conbreak Communications manufacturer of the most offensive of the PLT transmitters that WC are trying to foist upon the good citizens of our peaceful micro state. We would like to give credence to this rumour as it would be in keeping with the ex-councillor's past deviousnesses, unfortunately we are unable to contact the ex-Councillor due to excessive interference to the State mobile telephone service. We were also unable to contact a representative of Conbreak for the same reason.
We hope to establish contact with Blaah and Conbreak with the help of the Wymsey amateur radio fraternity.
Wymsey's National Nostrum