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Welcome to the New Wymsey Chronicle, after some three years reporting the incredible to the incredulous we are now also turning our attention to the dustier corners. In truth we have always inhabited the dustier corners but now we are going to share what we find. The wonders below are what we have uncovered recently, there are also a number of classics here. Naturally, we will also bring you all the important news from Wymsey.

(The Contortium advises readers to use their browser back button to return from links in the Chronicle.)



Marigold Marriage Shock

doing the cakewalk, missis. It was with some surprise that citizens responded to the news that Maragold Babie of the Bower Spa & Laundry was to wed a member of Management. Well known for her flirtatious attitude and open arms policy most thought Maragold was the epitome of the Good Time Spa Owner.

Local pig breeder, Countryman of the Year and small holder Leslie Smith commented, "I'm bowled over I am but she 'as me blessing and I know she 'as me wife's too."

Local gossip has it that Maragold had set her virtual cap at ex-schoolmaster & local history man, John Applegate, but that she had found hard to find him. (Mr Applegate is congenitally shy of the female in anything yet is hardly a man's man. His biggest asset is without a doubt his garden shed. .


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Reggie's Ringers
Bells for
Your Wedding
Wymsey 335672


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A Veggie Wedding?

Ethel M Nails, Secretary of Wymsey Vegetarians, this week advised all Wymsey's Spring & Summer brides to a start off as they mean to go on. On caring for husbands she said, "Keep their protein levels down, don't let them eat red meat. Don't let them eat meat, full stop. Fish, once week maximum and then only a couple of tinned sardines. I always advise my female members to ensure that their husbands' protein input is kept to less than ten per cent, to unsure that this happens wives should always make their spouse's lunch. If wives are strict about these things they will find that their menfolk are easily managed and less disruptive after dark."


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WymWeb Wooblies

Be sure to pay a visit to Beryl the Gnome, award winner and source of many gnomic esoteric's. Much gnomic lore has been cobbled together in a most pleasing manner plus you get all those special offers so beloved of gnomes.




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the examiner The fact that these people appear to have ripped off two Chronicle readers letters only adds to the pleasure afforded by the lunatics at the Ballyodd Extruder.

It surely goes to prove that the Irish Republic is not just one big silicon bog.


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gnomes ignore wombats Wombats, it would appear, love to have their photos taken wrapped up in someone's old wooly.

Interestingly, your average wombat infant has a soft spot for gnomes, unfortunately the gnomes remain totally unimpressed. But that's gnomes for you.


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Slovenia Slovenia, once part of the former Yugoslavia is a beautiful and plucky country, well worth a visit!

A good starting place is the Slovenian tourism site.


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Greetings to all our readers in Bitterne Park,
Southampton, England
and
Novato, CA, USA.

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Is The Rev Up To It?

the Rev Concerns are being expressed that the Rev will not be up to handling the rush of marriages that have been triggered by Miss Maragold Babie's ( pictured below right ) recent nuptial announcement. Maragold Babie, fiance.

The Chronicle has leaned of at least another six marriages announced this week, these include the wedding of Germaine P Slackluster & Miss Celia Lupine, Milkly Drewster & Miss Sally Brownstick, Blackmore Smith & Miss Julie Parboil, etc.

The Chronicle was unable to contact the Rev due to his lumbago complicated by ulcers on his uvula but a spokesperson for the Right Reverend Jon Salassie, Bishop of Watchester, said that come 'hell or high water' anyone in Wymsey who wanted to wed and who had a willing partner would not be disappointed.


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Don't let that hacking cough
spoil your wedding day
give her
Dah Dits
The Wymsey Cough Drop
Sucked at Salt Lake City


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Weddings With Sam

Well me dears it's that time again, darn Spring is around the corner, birds is building nests and sporting flashy new feathers. Prances up and down they do like blinking teenage boys. I bet they 'as greasy combs tucked under their wings. Now I hear that half the population under 60 is plotting to get married, I just hopes they are all single.

I was married once so I know what I'm talking about when it comes to all sorts of nuptial activities and I says, avoid 'em - all of em. Give me hens any blooming day. I expects you feels the same.

Funny time of year if you asks me, makes me jumpy it does, you too I expect. I looks out of my picture window and I sees that darn garden out there, I sees things starting to grow and I shudders. 'Don't really know how much more I can take before I up sticks and moves to Swanage.


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More WymWeb Wobblies

armour Most men have tried making amour of one kind or another but how many have made their own armour? This site must be the ultimate in DIY.

"Knitting patterns for men with toolkits," commented Jason our IT geek.


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The Moose of GoobiesInvent a word, put it into Google and you end up in Goobies, Newfoundland, home to an 11 foot concrete moose. Goobies proudly shows off it's bit of the Trans-Canadian Highway via a webcam. If you are into Canadian Highway Webcams go here.



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well being Many folk are becoming totally dissatisfied with the way that chain store retail outlets and repairmen treat their computers. Computers are very personal things and if not actually sentient deserve to treated as if they were. So thank your lucky stars and megabits that Maragold found The Institute of Computer Wellness!


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And Greetings to all our readers in
Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania.
Mechanicsburg, Bland County, Virginia.
Mechanicsburg, Illinois.
and Mechanicsburg, Ohio.

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