Monarch Saver Lost In Missouri: Professor Michael Field, head of the Earth Ecology Unit at the University of Watchester (UWAT), failed to email home last week. He is leading an expedition to the mid-west of America in search of the ever decreasing catapillar of the Monarch Butterfly - the latest victim of genetically modified crops. Professor Field last checked in on June 1st from a bar in St Louis but a spokesperson for the Earth Ecology Unit commented, "That's the Prof for you, he's probably got his head down and his magnifying glass out. Besides there's a lot to do in St. Louis." The Chronicle has learnt that Professor Field was accompanied by ex-super model Julia St. Carlton Es Pernier. Miss St. Calton Es Pernier is not renowned for her interest in lepidoptery.

The people of Wymsey now have to decide what to do on New year's Eve.

Wymsey Trains Launch:
On Wednesday, the Wymsey Steam Preservation Society announced the launch of Wymsey Trains, a registered charity and it's trading arm, the Wymsey Train Company.

The logo was the work of Bingle Bangle Promotions and was designed to ensure that Wymsey Trains would have a distinct and original presence in the marketplace. A spokesperson for Wymsey Trains told the Chronicle, "We are very pleased with our logo, there's nothing quite like it out there." He described as "bright and jolly but with momentum." The spokesperson also told us that land negotiations were complete and that the Society were holding talks with Railtrack which they hoped would lead to station access at Watchester Junction.

Opinions were divided as to whether it should be a bold statement in stainless steel or something more conservative that would blend into the landscape. But as John Applegate stated, "How, for goodness sake, can a water tower perched on the top of Wymsey Hill blend in with the landscape even if you weave the dam thing in willow." Mr Applegate is mainly against the water tower because it would be new and therefore not historical. Give it a chance Mr Applegate!

Railtrack Put Obstacle In Path Of Wymsey Trains:
UK railway track managers, Railtrack, this week gave a cool reception to the plans of Wymsey Trains who wish to re-create the line from Wymsey to Watchester Junction. A spokeswoman for the Company told the Chronicle, "For goodness sake, we are up to our necks in it over the reconstruction the West Coast route to Scotland, Richard Branson is on the phone to us twice a day, the government want us to help out with the London Underground and now you guys want us deal with a piddling ten miles of single track from nowhere to nowhere in particular. Oh look, I'm really sorry, we get so much stick - I'm not sure that I can take much more."

The Wymsey Railway Preservation Society told us that all they wanted was a yes in principle at this stage. The Chronicle has discovered that Railtrack are obliged to allow Wymsey trains to use the station at Watchester Junction.

At Dah Dits, Marketing Director, attractive Sharon Spooner, 32, told the Chronicle, " I've been tearing my hair out all week, it's been a mess of misunderstanding, and now I need a wig."

Things are not looking too good for Ex-Councilor Julius Blaah - actually it's him that's not looking too good. Three months after his visit to the Basingstoke Experimental Agricultural Seeding Trials , BEASTS, (see past issue) Blaah is looking decidedly modified. BEASTS is the seed trial ground of Montantrum Bionics Inc and Blaah, being the man he is, declined not to wear protective clothing when walking through the grounds. Rumour has it that if Blaah somehow manages to get elected to the European Parliament he will be fed by the hand of Montantrum.

Local Montantrum representative, Blaah's brother-in-law Jackey Clayton, commented: "Julius is looking a bit under the weather - I expect it's his hay fever."

Earlier this week Julius Blaah addressed the Wymsey Rotundians on the subject of the Advances and Advantages of Genetically Modified Foods and Organisms and next week is due to meet members of Lympshire Emergency Planning Committee to brief them on the absolute safety of genetic engineering, he is also due to spar with MC MIKE on UWAT FM's magazine programme "The Ostrich Hour" which will be discussing the covert spiking of our foodstuffs with modified maize and soya.

As local pig breeder, Leslie Smith put it, "You want watch to him, matey. That Blaah talks out of his horse's saddle."

Ethel M & Bertram B Nails, of Wymsey Vegetarians, indicated that they were preparing plans to carry out covert operations to save the Monarch butterfly. They plan to slip into America from Canada to collect pupa and seeds of the milkweed on which the Monarch catapillar feeds. "We can't stand by and let this happen," Bertram M Nails told the Chronicle, "These beautiful creatures are being decimated in order to increase the overproduction of maize - it's genocide perpetuated by multinational fat guts whose pockets are already leaking dollars all other the place. I'm foaming."

The Nails have plans to create a butterfly house and are looking for a suitable site, the Watchester Glass house Company have undertaken to supply a building at cost price.

Blaah Defeated: In an unsurprising European Parliament election, ex-Parish Councilor Julius Blaah was heavily defeated. Someone from Watchester won. Blaah is gradually being removed from spheres of influence in Wymsey although he is still a church warden at St Duvet & All Angels and a parent-governor at Wymsey Infant School - known locally as WIS. as in "What school do you go to?" "I go to wis."

Ex-Councilor Blaah was unavailable for comment but rumour has it that he has gone up to London to consider his future - we understand that he has contacts in Soho. The Chronicle can hardly wait for his next move.

Wymsey Trains have already opened negotiations with various landowners and are confident that they will be able to re-construct the original line.

Mr Goodfellow has long been an active member of Grintlers International (GI) and is a founder member of the Wymsey Rotundians. He is currently collaborating with Dr Jaime Jamieson of the Department of Rural History at UWAT (University of Watchester), Dr Jamieson is collating sources of information on the development and demise of the grintle as the first step in creating a national database.

Clinton Recalls Cough Drops: In a confused foreign policy statement this week President Clinton of the USA ordered the removal of Dah Dits, the Wymsey cough-drop, from store shelves across America (including the American Virgin Islands and Alaska). This was in retaliation for the banning of Coca Cola in Belgium, a spokeswoman for the White House told us that Mr Clinton was unclear about Belgium but he sure as hell knew where Wymsey was and given local press attitudes (that's us) could only say, "They had it coming."

Meanwhile, both the Wymsey Post Office and Mrs MacKenzies ConVienice Store have removed all traces of American Hard Gums and Belgium Chocolate from their shops.

At Dah Dits, Marketing Director, Sharon Spooner told the Chronicle, " We've had it up too here with American trade policy, first it was bananas then monster fed corn and now they pick on us because that man can't find Belgium on the map. We won't take this on our knees, I can tell you."

The Parish Council is planning a small exhibition of possible water tower designs which it is hoped will be available for inspection at the Village Hall by the weekend.

Wymsey Parish Council are likely to become embroiled in controversy over the Wymsey Millennium Water Tower. Lemon Communications, one of the leading UK mobile phone companies, are offering the Parish £60,000 over ten years in return for the Company being able to erect a transmitter on top of the proposed water tower.

"This puts the Parish Council well and truly on the horns of a dilemma," Council Chairman, Gordon deStompe told our reporter, Charlie Stebbings, "On the one hand we could do with the money but on the other there is the question of embracing questionable technology. We don't want the people of Wymsey to end up with cooked brains. ( See the Wymsey Chronicle Weekend section Cooking feature.)

Lemon Dithers On Tower: Lemon Communications, one of the leading mobile phone companies, this week admitted that their offer to the Parish of £60,000 over ten years in return for the Company being able to erect a transmitter on top of the proposed water tower was somewhat premature.

"We could hardly put our transmitter on Sister Sara O'Hara's new moped if that's what the people of Wymsey choose," said Thomas T Trunkkall, the Company's Area Manager, "But the offer's still on if they choose a water tower."

The Parish Council were delighted by the result and are expected to put the construction out to tender this week. It is hoped that the water tower will be completed by New Year's Eve.