"momma told him not to come."
digging a hole
for earth day
Earth Day? As I understand it every day is an earth day, here on earth that is. Why on earth should the earth have a special day when every day on earth is special?
Do Martians have a Mars Day? I rather doubt it judging by the way they run and hide every time NASA sends a camera or some other probe. What's really neat is how they manage to snap off the antennas before the smallest smidgen of a radio wave can wend it's way earthward.
"What day is it Yarzhzzzz?"
Meanwhile on the Moon it's Monday and the Man in the Moon has a hangover. "My goddess, was I drunk last night," he says to Mrs Moon who is watching the satellite feed from CNN.
Mercury has only 88 earth days in a year and the decades just fly by. Life gets pretty confusing as one Mercurian day is 50 earth days, which means that they only have one and three quarters days in a year. These are known as New Year's Day and New Year's Eve. Mercury is in a state of continual celebration. Mercurians are hyperactive fellows with tiny wings on their ankles and they just don't have the time for digging holes or watching CNN.
Venus is inhabited by single women of a certain age, spotty youths, giggly nymphs and Leonard Cohen clones most of whom would not know a hole in the ground from an ass. On Venus every day is Valentines and the planet has the most sophisticated postal service in the solar system.
Neptune is beyond Uranus, very wet and populated by two races, the Galoshi and Umbrelli. The two form a symbiotic relationship in which the Umbrelli are top dog whilst the Galoshi are down trodden but both races are spiffing swimmers. All Neptunians are thrifty souls continually putting a little aside for a sunny day.
Attempts at hole digging have in the past resulted in numerous deaths by drowning but Umbrel scientists recently managed to train the Neptunian Shovelnose Fish and holes are now appearing all over the planet.
The people of Saturn are not a happy lot due to congenital polygamy, excessive drinking, galactic hangovers and a general goatish demeanor. Saturnians are a taciturn lot who love graveyards where they can often be found digging holes of a Saturday afternoon when a more cheerful planet would be off to the match.
Jupiter is the daddy planet, big, mean and cold. Jupons live in a tightly organised society and keep warm by ceaseless work which consists mainly of digging holes. The planet has cleaned up at the last 1200 Solar Hole Olympics. Their greatest triumph todate is the Damn Big Hole, DBH is so big that it could swallow America (including the US Virgin Isles) twice over and still have room for a Big Mac with fries. Every day on Saturn is a Holeday.
The problem with Pluto is that it is very small and did not exist until 1930 which makes it post natal in galactic terms and therefore of little interest except to those with a pathological maternal bent. The planet is covered with yellowy green gunge and every day on Pluto is Nappy Day.
As it happens, on Uranus it's Bottoms Up Day and everyone is dead drunk which is a damn shame as tomorrow is Hole Digging Day.